Thank you...

I started to write a post here, and the words "I find myself.." were pouring off the proverbial pen when I realized that I write that a lot.  I find myself when I write these messages, like a note to be stuffed into a bottle and cast into the internet sea, drifting to your eyes and simetimes straight to your heart.  If that is the end result, I am grateful to you, grateful for accepting my honesty and gracing me with your acceptance.  For that, thank you.  I, in this serial expression of self discovery, realize through contemplation that above all else, I wish to express my gratitude.  I have much to appreciate in this world.  I am blessed (to borrow a phrase from the faithful) with many amazing people in my life.  Some of those people have gone before us, several long before their time.  For those of you still present to hear my praise, I want to tell you what your love and support, especially in my time of greatest trial have meant.  I want to, but I fear the attempt.  I fear missing a name, an instance, a moment, an intention of love that you held in your heart for a fleeting moment when you remembered that we went to school together twenty years ago, and even though we didn't hang out or even necessarily like each other much, you felt, through the beauty of your heart, compassion for a fellow traveller in life, with whom you have shared space, air, real estate, cognition.  I really can't name names because I will offend, and my goal is to honor not slight.  But I will recall to mind a few, just a few of the acts that were bestowed upon my family nearly 4 years ago when we said goodbye to Liam.  The Funeral Home that took care of our son, they took care of his body, dressed him, laid him in the coffin I had built for him and provided all of their services free of charge.  A woman with whom I went to high school, with whom I had maybe spoken twice sent a beautiful flower arrangement to the celebration of life.  Friends from college who once again were mere acquaintances brought food to our home while we were grieving and not really interested in cooking.  To you, thank you, thank you thank you.  Our friend, th epriest that married us, baptized all of our children, he helped us bury Liam.  For that, and every gift, thank you.  My family, my brotheres, my sisters, my mother, my second family, Lisette's family, our uncles, our aunts, our cousins...so many people, so much love.  The gifts of love and support, the financial support, the remebrances, when our family and friends donated to charities or our toy drive in Liam's memory, thank you.  When prayers were spoken in Liam's name, thank you.  The friends that have put up with my absence and still love me, thank you.  The family that love me despite my inability to call back in a timely manner, thank you.  Tangible gifts and acts are easy to describe and recall, but the countless instances of love, expressed to us (throughout our lives as well as during the last four years) by your presence (in body as well as in spirit) is something that had I a thousand lifetimes, I still feel I could never repay.  However, I am intent on trying.  If you are reading this, I most likely owe you at the very least a thank you, but probably much more.  I think it is a reflection on your character that you probably just told yourself that I don't owe you anything.  I just want you to know that I recognize your gifts and talents and love.  And for sharing those with me, in an open-hearted manner, I honestly thank you.  Thank you all.